WRITERS’ TIPS :TEN WAYS TO WRITE LIKE A BEGINNER
Let’s see, you’ve had this great idea for umpteen years, and now you’ve decided to start writing! Or maybe you’ve been writing for a while and you’d like to get your story, poem, article, or book published. Will you qualify as a beginning writer who will never see any work published or as an experienced crafter of words who will definitely see his/her name in print?
If you can say “yes, that’s me” to any of the points in the list below, all I can say is “uh oh.” Go ahead; read the list and see how you do:
1. Never read any books in the same genre in which you are writing. After all, you don’t want to steal another author’s voice, style, or story!
2. Write when you feel like it, even if the radio or TV is blasting or your family is demanding supper.
3. Without trying to publish anything else, start writing the Great American Novel that has plots, subplots, foreshadowing, and complicated characters.
4. Start your fiction manuscript with five pages of narration and description from five points of view. Have 600 pages in your manuscript.
5. Develop a boring plot with no climax, characters with no depth, and dialogue that is flat and the same for all your characters.
6. Don’t seek any help from anyone or anything like a critique group, “how-to-write” books, or writers’ conferences because God told you to write, what to write, and how to write it.
7. Send your manuscript everywhere without querying first. Buy the Writers’ Market Guide, start on page 1, and don’t stop until you get a sale!
8. If you decide to write a query letter, write one that is “unique.” Smother it in chocolate or perfume smells and start the letter like this: “Dear Editor, this is your lucky day. My family has read this, and they absolutely love it.”
9. Send your very first draft of your very first manuscript to a different editor once every six months, then go into deep depression when it’s rejected.
10. Throw away all rejection letters, including those who suggest changes or editors who would like you to submit other work. After all, if the editor didn’t like your first manuscript, he/she won’t like any of your other stuff, and if you make suggested changes in anything, the manuscript won’t be “your” work anymore.
Perhaps you should take up basket weaving or bowling instead!
Next time we’ll discuss how determined you are to be a writer. What will make you quit?