Fiction That Wows Your Reader: Don’t Preach!

Don’t Preach!

You’ve heard that little ditty a zillion times if you’ve gone to your share of writers conferences.

Don’t preach!

Okay, what does that mean? Don’t preach!

As writers with opinions, and I’ve never met a writer who didn’t have one, we all have “messages” we’d like to share with our readers. But how does a skillful writer  share his message, his beliefs, his ideals, with the reader without offending him or turning him off on page one? How do you impart your underlying theme in the story without coming right out and saying something like, “God is love”?

Is it wrong to try to win your reader over to your side by sharing your beliefs? Absolutely not. That very goal is the reason most people write. They want to share something they feel is vitally important to the survival of the human race. Wars have been won, and lost, by the printed page.

So how does a writer share his beliefs without preaching? A skillful writer weaves the message into the story so that the characters portray the ideals, or lack of them. The reader, watching the action of the main character, then observes the author’s beliefs in action as the character either exemplifies or struggles with the underlying theme.

Let’s look at some examples of “preaching” versus clever weaving of the message into the context of the story. The first examples of preaching are lousy writing on my part. The second examples are taken from some of my published work:

Preaching:

“Children need to work around the house, not only because their parents need the help, but also because when the children are older, they’ll know how to take care of their own homes,” Bimbo told Heathcliff.

Weaving the Message into the Story:

“Chores, including the house and the barn – washing clothes … mucking stalls are important. But you’re not a lonely island out there by yourself,” Mr. Chambers reminded Skye. “It takes all of us to run this place. It’s just part of maintaining a home. You’ll be glad when you’re older that you learned how to do these things.”

Yeah. I’m the luckiest girl in the world! Skye stewed inside.

                            (from A HORSE TO LOVE, KEYSTONE STABLES BOOK ONE)

*********************************************************************************

Preaching:

“God is love, and He is ready to forgive anyone who will believe in Him, no matter how bad they’ve been,” Bimbo told Heathcliff.

Weaving the Message into the Story:

Skye turned back to the altar, and her eyes focused on the cross, the symbol of God’s love that meant absolutely nothing to her. This God, whom she didn’t even know existed, loved her? As rotten as she was?

She stumbled to the altar and knelt at the cross, sobbing out her pain and despair.

                                                      (From A HORSE TO LOVE)

********************************************************************************

So there you have two simple examples of how to rid your writing style of that pesky preaching. Weave the message into your story; have your characters experience the thrill, or the pain, of living with your ideals or beliefs. The reader will observe the action and reaction of your characters, and from your book, he just might decide to embrace the ideals you hold so dear.  You don’t need to “preach” to get your message into your reader’s heart and mind. Just write from your heart  in a clever way, and your message will come through loud and clear.

Next time, we’ll discuss writing plots that are “outside the box.”

Marsha

http://www.marshahublerauthor.com

http://www.montrosebible.org

http://www.horsefactsbymarshahubler.wordpress.com

Fiction That Wows Your Reader: Show, Don’t Tell

Write Narration That Shows and Doesn’t Tell

 If you’ve attended writers’ conferences for any length of time, you’ve heard this statement again and again: “Show, don’t tell.”

 Well, what in the world does that mean anyway? Show, don’t tell. Sometimes, a writer must “tell” details of his story to add depth and mood to the story. So, as a writer studies other works and works on his own studies, he should become skilled enough to learn how to “show” and not “tell” in his narration. The best way to learn this technique is to read published authors. Study their use of words, their descriptions, their mood. Then apply their techniques to your own writing, and you’ll see a vast improvement in your style.
Let’s look at a few examples of “telling” vs. “showing.” You determine which samples would hold the reader’s interest by drawing him into the description or action.

Sample One

 Sample of Telling – this is a scene description from one of my Keystone Stables books, SUMMER CAMP ADVENTURE that I rewrote in a lousy “telling” mode. The main character, Skye Nicholson, is on a trail ride with some campers:

The riders lined up their horses and looked at the waterfalls about 50 yards away. Above their heads was water over some rocks. It tumbled on more rocks that were even with the riders. The water made big white splashes and then was smooth. The waterfall droplets and sunlight made a rainbow, and off to one side a little stream flowed away from the waterfall and down the mountain. A breeze made the waterfall mist fly everywhere in the air, hitting the riders in the face. Skye was amazed.

Sample of Showing – the actual scene description in my book

Lining up their horses, the riders sat gawking at nature’s water show half a football field away. Far above their heads, the falls flooded over a table of rocks arrayed on both sides by the greenest trees Skye had ever seen.

The water thundered as it crashed down over more layers of rocks, tumbling, tumbling, until it splashed onto large boulders level with the riders. There, billows of white foam faded into ripples that quickly smoothed into a serene pool as clear as glass.

A rainbow arched in a stream of sunlight. Off to one side the pool overflowed,  forming the gushing stream that had found its way down the mountain to form Lackawanna Lake. Fed by the falls, a steady breeze and fine mist saturated the cool air around the riders, welcoming them to the secret and special place.

From SUMMER CAMP ADVENTURE, Zonderkidz, 2009

(Keystone Stables Series Book 4)

 Sample Two

 Sample of Telling – another scene below from one of my books. I’ve rewritten the published paragraph here poorly in the “telling” mode. From THE SECRET OF WOLF CANYON, the paragraph describes the scene from Woody’s, the main character’s, viewpoint when she arrives at the summer sleuth camp, pulls into the mock “canteen” in the western town in a van with five other kids, and meets some of the other campers unexpectedly:

Woody looked at the canteen when the door flew open. It hit the building hard. A small group of boys came running out who were very excited. They ran across the porch and down the steps. Mixed in with the boys were three men who were yelling for the boys to stop. The tallest man held on to his hat because he was afraid it was going to topple off his head.

Sample of Showing -this same scene written in its published form:

The canteen door flew open with hurricane force and smacked against the building. Out barreled a small group of boys bubbling with unbridled excitement. With no immediate plan to stop, they rushed across the porch and stampeded down the steps. Caught in the whirlwind were three helpless men spinning like tops and yelling for the boys to stop. The tallest man was trying desperately to keep his bobbling black Stetson in place.

From THE SECRET OF WOLF CANYON, Sonfire Media, 2010

* Note how I included descriptive words and phrases that set the tone or mood of a “western” scene.

So, there we have two samples of “telling” versus “showing.”

Take a good look at your narration when you use no dialogue. What can you do to draw your reader right into the scene? Details, details, details. Clever wording of the action. And how about a little humor once in a while?

Next time, we’ll discuss another phrase you’ve probably heard so many times you just tune it out whenever it comes across your path anymore: “Don’t preach!”

Marsha

www.marshahubler.com

www.horsefactsbymarshahubler.wordpress.com

www.montrosebible.org

Fiction That Wows Your Reader: Unnatural vs. Natural Dialogue

Stiff Unnatural Dialogue Vs. Natural Dialogue

Whether you’re working on fiction or nonfiction, one of the techniques you need to master is how to write dialogue that flows and sounds “natural.” In other words, do YOUR words read as if your reader is eavesdropping on a conversation that he’d hear anyplace in his own world?

It’s very important for a writer to get to know his/her characters for this exact reason. People talk differently! WOW! What  a revelation. By now, if you’ve been writing for any length of time, you’ve (hopefully) studied language patterns and colloquialisms and you’ve analyzed the difference in children’s, teens’, and adults’ speech.

Because I have been published mostly in the juvenile fiction genre, my examples will be from such. But the “talking points” are basically the same for all dialogue, whether for kids or us grown ups.

First, I’ll give you a sample of “stiff” dialogue, followed by that which flows and sounds just like “real” folks speaking. Watch for the Leave it to Beaver Syndrome to rear its ugly head in the first samples, as well:

Stiff: (Two young boys discussing baseball)

  “Larry, you should join our Little League team,” Tim said.

   “Tim, why should I?” asked Larry. “Do you need more players?”

   “No, Larry,” Tim answered. “But we can always use a good player like you.”

   “Tim, thanks for the compliment,” Larry said.

    “Larry, you’re welcome,” Tim answered. “I sure hope you join. Our team will be better.”

 

(Brother! What kids talk like that?

Natural:

        “Larry,” Tim patted his best friend on the shoulder. “Why don’t you join our Little League team.”

        “Why?” asked Larry, punching his fist in his new baseball glove. “Do you need more players?”

        “Not really,” said Tim. “But you’re such a good player. We can use you on third base.”

        “Really? Do you think I could do it?”

       Tim gave Larry his best smile. “I know Coach Evans would say yes without even blinking.”

 

************************************************************************

 

 Stiff: (Conversation between two teenage junior counselors at a camp)

       “Timothy!” Skye called to her co-worker out on a paddleboat with a camper. “How is the water out there?”

       “It is just so wonderful,” Tim yelled back. “I would like to be swimming today. Who is standing next to you there on shore?”

       “It is a friend of yours and mine,” Skye yelled to Tim. “I will have him wait for you here until you come ashore.”

       “That is fine with me. I will see you in a few minutes,” Tim yelled to Skye as he turned the paddleboat around and headed in another direction.

 

(Sheesh! They sound like a couple of robots, don’t they?)

Natural:

     “Hey, Tim!” Skye called to her co-worker out on a paddleboat with a camper. “How’s the water?”

     “Cool! Real cool!” Tim yelled back. “I’d rather be in it than on it! Who’ve ya got there with you?”

    “Your friend and mine! He’ll be waitin’ when you come ashore!”

    “Okay, Skye, see you in a few minutes!” Tim turned the paddleboat in another direction.

(from SUMMER CAMP ADVENTURE

By Marsha Hubler, Zonderkidz, 2009, p. 38)

**********************************************************************

 So, there you have two simple examples of how to write lousy dialogue and how to make it flow naturally. Now, if you’re writing about robots conversing, then the first samples are the way to go. If not, then work on making your dialogue flow, and your reader will love being right in the middle of the exciting action.

Next time, we’ll discuss “telling” versus “showing” in your narration and descriptive paragraphs.

Marsha Hubler
Best-selling Author of the Keystone Stables Series
(Web) www.marshahublerauthor.com

(Writers’ Conference blog)

http://www.montrosebible.org

(Horse Facts for Horse Lovers blog)

www.horsefactsbymarshahubler.wordpress.com

 

 

 

Fiction That Wows: Wow Beginnings!

Fiction That Wows Your Reader

Wow Beginnings

Last time we discussed the effective use of tags and beats to make your dialogue flow well and your characters come alive in any fiction, or nonfiction, you are writing.

 This time we’re going to look at how to “hook” your reader with your openings sentences or paragraphs in your stories, articles, or book manuscripts. First, I’ll give you some Ho-Hum examples of boring beginnings that will either put your reader into a deep sleep or will inspire him to toss your book in the trash can. Then I’ll give you some WOW beginnings, a technique which can be used in nonfiction as well as fiction.

What makes a wow beginning compared to flat, uninteresting words that bore your reader to death? Compare the samples of some of my lousiest writing with some of my published works and then you make the call:

1. Ho-Hum Beginning:

A while ago, I interviewed Clyde Peeling, the owner and curator of Reptiland in Allenwood, PA, on route 15 near Williamsport.

Reptiland is loaded with all kinds of wild animals, including alligators, snakes, and other ugly creatures.

Wow Beginning:

How would you like a frozen mouse for lunch?

If you would, then join dozens of snakes, alligators, and other reptiles at Reptiland, a zoological park at Allenwood in central Pennsylvania.

(From “Lizard Man” – Boys’ Quest; Aug/Sept.02)

************************************************************************

2. Ho-Hum Beginning:

My eight-year-old son had been sick for some time. We finally found out he had cancer and wouldn’t live much longer.

One thing he wanted to do was see snow, but we were having a warm autumn in central PA.

Wow Beginning:

“Dad, I-I want to see the first snow,” he said, forcing the words out with jagged, tired breath. “D-do you think I’ll see it, the way I am and all?”

“Colton, son, you’ll see it. I promise. We’ll see it together,” I assured him.

(From “First Snow” – Inside PA Mag. Dec. 08; fiction contest winner)

************************************************************************

3. Ho-Hum Beginning:

Skye Nicholson found herself in juvenile court for the umpteenth time in her thirteen short years.

She sat in the chair and just stared at the judge. She was as mad as a hornet and in no mood to appease anybody.

Wow Beginning:

“Young lady—and I use that term loosely—I’m tired of your despicable behavior. I’m sending you to the Chesterfield Detention Center!”

Skye Nicholson looked cold as an ice cube as she slumped in the wooden chair and stared back at Judge Mitchell. Most thirteen-year-olds would have been scared to death as a hearing with an angry judge yelling at the top of his lungs. But Skye was no “ordinary” thirteen-year-old.”

(From A HORSE TO LOVE, Best-selling book 1 in the Keystone Stables Series – Zonderkidz; 2009)

***********************************************************************

So there you have three examples of how to fix your ho-hum beginnings and make them “WOW.”  You’ll hook that reader, who won’t be able to put your piece down. Then he/she will be back for more!

Next time, we’ll go back to dialogue once again, discussing “natural” dialogue compared to “stiff, unnatural,” better known as “stupid” dialogue. :)

Marsha

www.marshahublerauthor.com

www.montrosebible.org

www.horsefactsbymarshahubler.wordpress.com

Fiction That Wows! Tags and Beats

Fiction That Wows!

Tags and Beats

Last time we addressed the huge problem that all writers face, even experienced authors: The Leave it to Beaver Syndrome. Putting it simply, it’s what to do with all those “Mary said,” “John replied,” “Susie screamed,” tags or the author’s identification of who said what.

 When only two characters, sometimes three, are in a scene, it’s relatively easy to delete almost all of the “who said it?” tags. Having a page of dialogue without tags helps your manuscript flow smoothly and helps the reader to really get into the story.

 But when it’s necessary to identify the speaker, what can you add that will make the story much more interesting and add useful information that is interwoven right with the dialogue? You can add “beats.”

Beats are phrases that do not use the speech acknowledged favorites such as “said,” “asked,” “replied,” etc. Beats add action and description to your discourse without your having to write a lengthy narration “telling” details. Beats allow you to “show” the action.

Let’s look at some examples of how you can change boring lines of dialogue with tags into lines with beats that add some pizzazz to your script. First I’ll have a dialogue example with tag; then I’ll have it rewritten with a beat. You decide which is more exciting for the reader:

******************************************

Example One:

TAGS:

“When did Josh get married?” Heather asked.

“Last Saturday,” Bruce said.

BEATS:

“When did Josh get married?” Heather’s eyes flooded with tears and she grabbed a tissue.

Bruce’s face also melded into a mask of dismay. “Last Saturday.”

*******************************************************

Example Two:

TAGS:

Jordan asked her father, “Could I please go with Barry to the hockey game?”

Her father answered, “Are you kidding?”

BEATS:

Jordan’s father’s attitude made her face flush red hot. “Could I please go with Barry to the hockey game?”

From what he had heard, Father had no intention of allowing his daughter to go anywhere with that guy. “Are you kidding?”

******************************************************

So, there you have two simple examples of how you can put some spark into flat writing. In the tag examples, all your reader knows is that two characters are discussing something.  You have no idea how the characters are feeling about their situation. In the beat examples, we’ve brought the characters alive with emotion and action. The reader can actually get a sense of how the characters feel without the author saying, “Heather was heartbroken” or “Jordan’s father never liked Barry.”

So there you have today’s writer’s tip. Work on your manuscript’s dialogue. Throw out the tags when they’re not needed and write interesting and informative beats that will help you write fiction that wows!

Next time, we’ll discuss how to write beginning paragraphs that “hook” your reader.

www.marshahublerauthor.com

www.montrosebible.org

www.horsefactsbymarshahubler.wordpress.com

Writing Fiction That Wows: Fixing the “Leave it to Beaver Syndrome”

Fiction That Wows Your Reader

Writing Dialogue That Flows

Last time, we discussed what I call the “Leave it to Beaver Syndrome,” a creative crime that so many writers find themselves committing. Even frequently published writers like myself can easily fall prey to this “beginner’s style,” which will kill any story, if we aren’t careful.

I said that I’d rewrite the small passage of poorly written dialogue in the post to show you the proper way to handle “dialogue that flows.” First, you will see the lousy dialogue as was posted last time. Then I’ll follow with the rewritten dialogue for you to analyze both:

The “Leave it to Beaver Syndrome” Dialogue

“Pete,” Mary said. “I’m going to the movies. Do you want to go with me?”

“Not tonight, Mary,” Pete said. “I have too much homework.”

“Well, Pete, how about just a game of Boggle?” Mary asked.

“Mary, I can’t even do that,” Pete said. “I’ve got too much to do.”

“Oh, for Pete’s sake!” Mary said. “You can certainly take a half hour or so to relax a little.”

“Mary, I said no! I just can’t tonight, so get lost!” Pete said. “By the way, bad joke.”

BORING!

********************************************************************

Now Let’s Look at the Dialogue That Flows

“Pete,” Mary said. “I’m going to the movies. Do you want to go with me?”

“Not tonight,” Pete said. “I have too much homework.”

“Well, how about a game of Boggle?” Mary went to the bookshelf and retrieved a game box.

Pete never shifted his gaze away from his history book. “I can’t even do that! I’ve got too much to do.”

“Oh, for Pete’s sake! You can certainly take a half hour or so to relax a little.”

“I said no!” Pete had finally lost all patience with his twin sister. “I just can’t tonight. By the way, bad joke.”

FLOWING!

****************************************************************************

Now, there you have the rewritten dialogue. We cut a fistful of “Mary’s” and “Pete’s,” and we added some beats instead of using so many tags.

What do you think makes this second excerpt so much more interesting?

What do you know from the second excerpt that you didn’t know from the first?

How did I accomplish filling in some details?

And what about those tags and beats? What in the world are those little entities?

Yep, tags and beats. They are SO essential to writing good dialogue.

Next time, we’ll discuss those tricks of the writing trade in detail. Learn to use tags and beats effectively, and your dialogue will have a spark that will simply“wow” your reader.

Marsha Hubler

www.marshahublerauthor.com (website)

www.horsefactsbymarshahubler.wordpress.com (for horse lovers)

www.montrosebible.org   Information about the Montrose Christian Writers Conference

Writing Fiction That Wows! Your Reader

Writers, how can you write a best-selling work of fiction? Let’s see ..

We are going to discuss in detail the three most important components of good fiction:

1.  “Flowing” dialogue

2. Snappy narration

3. Creative characters

As I share these posts, I welcome your comments and questions. So let’s get started and begin with how to write dialogue that flows.

Flowing dialogue? What in the world does that mean?

Flowing dialogue is “natural” dialogue or conversation in your book that sounds “normal,” that’s easy to read, and that which fits the personality and background of each character who has an important speaking part in your story.

Let’s begin this discussion with one of my pet peeves, what I call the “Leave it to Beaver Syndrome.”

Anyone who is as old as I am remembers that when TV was in its early stages and just becoming a member of every household, programs like “Leave it to Beaver” were in their infancy with some of the scriptwriting quite poorly done. Such is the case in many of these early sitcoms, in particular, the dialogue between the characters.

If you are a fan of the “Leave it to Beaver Syndrome,” here’s a sample of how your dialogue looks between the only two characters in your scene:

“Pete,” Mary said. “I’m going to the movies. Do you want to go with me?”

“Not tonight, Mary,” Pete said. “I have too much homework.”

“Well, Pete, how about just a game of Boggle?” Mary asked.

“Mary, I can’t even do that,” Pete said. “I’ve got too much to do.”

“Oh, for Pete’s sake!” Mary said. “You can certainly take a half hour or so to relax a little.”

“Mary, I said no! I just can’t tonight, so get lost!” Pete said. “By the way, bad joke.”

***

Now, there you have a prime example of the “Leave it to Beaver Syndrome.”

What I’d like you to do until next time is rewrite this mini-scene and rid it of this ho-hum style that will put your reader to sleep or inspire him to use your book as kindling wood.

In my next blog, I’ll rewrite this scene, shaping it into something that isn’t as stagnant, redundant, and just downright boring.

A Word About my Horse Facts Blog

Hi, blogger friends. Any horse lovers out there yet?

Just a note to let you know that several years ago, I worked a “horse facts” blog. There are dozens and dozens of blog posts about different kinds of horses and information about the care of equines. If you’re a horse lover or if you know anyone who loves horses, please go to:

www.horsefactsbymarshahubler.wordpress.com

On Writing: Book Signings

“To market, to market

To sell a book or two…”

That’s the little ditty that should be constantly reverberating in your brain as you write your book or wait for it to arrive from the publisher.

The majority of us writers are not big-name best sellers. We have no TV exposure and very little radio and newspaper coverage. So how do little Mr. Nobody and Mrs. WhoIsShe get their names out there in public view?

So far, we’ve discussed (with not much detail):

1. Blogsites and websites
2. Business card distribution

Let’s tackle the book signing venue today.

I had previously told you that I hate book signings. For the most part I do because lots of times no one shows up, and I sit there reading a good book (my own) and directing passersby to the restroom.

When I have had successful book signings at stores (by successful, I mean I sold at least 10 or 20 books), here’s what I did:

1. When planning the book signing with the store manager, I asked to be at the store on a big sales day of the year. The best time is any Saturday between Thanksgiving and Christmas.
2. I made sure the manager planned to get the word out, including putting up flyers or signs in the store (which I provided), submitting an article to the local newspapers, (which I wrote), and sending out e-mails to the store’s clientele OFTEN about the book signing.
3. I called or e-mailed several days before the book signing to make sure the manager had ordered enough books. If not, I offered to bring my own just as a back up.
4. On the day of the book signing, I’ve had a friend with me to walk throughout the store handing out my business cards or a small token gift like a bookmark and inviting them to my table. Often, I’ve been stationed at a table in the BACK of the store, and if I didn’t let folks know I was back there, they never saw me.
5. I offered some kind of deal, i.e. if anyone bought my whole Keystone Stables series, they got a free gift like a plastic model horse or a small jewelry box with a horse picture on the front, etc. (Recently I sold three complete sets of eight books each because of my “special” deal.)
6. If traffic was slow, I got out from behind the table and introduced myself to folks in other parts of the store.
7. I looked for businesses besides book stores that might want me to have a book signing. I have done fairly well at a large local hardware store and at a horse equipment and saddle shop. Of course, horse books would be a natural sell at stores like this.

Now, after you’ve done everything in your power to pull this off, if store traffic is still real slow, as such was the case with a book signing I had a few weeks ago, you have to just sit and smile, maybe work on your next novel on your laptop, and write the day off as a loss.

You just never know how book signings are going to go. Swallow your pride and try again at another store as soon as you can make the contact. Making money? Are you kidding? You’ll probably break even with the cost of gasoline, but book signings are all about promotion anyway, not making you rich.

Marsha Hubler
Best-selling Author of the Keystone Stables books
(Web) www.marshahublerauthor.com
(Writers’ Blog)
www.marshahubler.wordpress.com
(Horse Facts Blog)
www.horsefactsbymarshahubler.wordpress.com

Today’s Writers’ Tip: For Newbies – After the Conference

Writers’ Tips for Newbies: After the Conference

Today’s tips are for all you beginning writers out there who have a great idea and don’t know where to start.

If you attended the last Montrose Christian Writers Conference in July, I trust you learned all kinds of things to help you become a published author. Let’s rehearse a few tips you probably learned to get you writing the next best seller!

If you’ve never attended any writers’ conference, it might be a consideration if you’ve got some ideas about becoming an author.

1. Start writing. Don’t just talk about it. Do you have an idea? Many good ideas? Don’t let those great creative ideas die in your brain cells! Get that computer out and start pecking away.

2. Join a local critique group. This has helped me become a better writer more than any other training, reading, or writing I’ve done. You must have a thick skin and be willing to accept criticism, but in the long run, your writing will improve drastically. Our group in the Susquehanna Valley (PA) meets once a month when everyone brings copies of about five pages of their latest work to have critiqued.

3. Attend writers conferences. Second only to the critique group, writers conferences have molded me into the author I am today. Writers conferences offer numerous workshops on different genres. You also meet other writers who have the passion to write as you do. They UNDERSTAND YOU! And … try to attend conferences where editors and agents are on faculty. Many writers have acquired contracts by meeting “the in-crowd” at conferences. Three of my four book contracts and several purchased articles resulted from contacts at writers’ conferences. Conferences are an essential part of your training.

4. Read, read, read! If you want to write juvenile fiction, read all the published juvenile fiction you can get your hands on. Likewise, if you’re into Amish romance, don’t spend time reading science fiction or fantasy. If you want to learn how to handle your genre, then study your genre. I have pages and pages of “good writing” excerpts that I’ve copied from published books. Once in a while, I open that file and read through the segments that show me excellent dialogue, good narration, and well-done character description.

So, there you have it. If you have the burning desire deep down in your soul to write, then get going! But consider yourself a work-in-progress just as your manuscript is. The more you learn, the better your writing will be!